Missing
by Ciel In A Dress
Summary: Whose life does Lelouch value the most? His... or C.C.'s? He has to make a decision- and fast.


**A/N:** Yes, the rumours are true; this came to me in a dream. My dream actually featured my friend's mother, washing my clothes, in my house, in the middle of the night... but I decided to just focus on the Code Geass part so as not to cause insanity amongst my readers.

**Warning: **If you haven't seen episode 15 of Code Geass R2, then do not read this story! I am assuming that if you have seen episode 15, you've also seen all the episodes before it—because otherwise that'd be silly.

**Advice: **Listen to Evanescence's Missing while reading this (this isn't really a songfic, though; the music just sets the mood). Maybe you'll cry; I did.

**The lyrics are in italics.**

* * *

**Missing**

Lelouch watched from a tiny computer screen in an almost forgotten room of the inescapable fortress.

The courtyard he was watching, by means of security cameras, was full to bursting of soldiers. There was a stage set up right in the middle and it was a few metres high so you could see it no matter where you were. There was an enormous gate only about fifty metres away, but it was impossible to get to without being shot by at least one hundred different bullets. It was the only exit; the rest of the castle was surrounded by a giant stone wall.

There was a huge sword resting on a coffin at the edge of the stage. A girl in white walked amongst the military personnel, oblivious to all that would soon befall her. She had long, unnaturally green hair.

Lelouch knew the truth. This was an execution.

Lelouch P.O.V

I can not see how I can live through this.

I am about to lose C.C. and the worst part is she has no idea who I am. Or even who she is. She's forgotten everything. Now she knows nothing and I finally know the truth.

_Please, please forgive me..._

I wonder... If she'd stayed the way she used to be, would she forgive my stupidity?

I used to think I loved Shirley. I cried when I erased her memories. I missed her. When she died it was much worse for me. I thought I only realised how much I wanted her when I couldn't have her anymore. But I understand now; that was the very reason I wanted her: because the grass is always greener on the other side.

_But I won't be home again._

I think of Nunnally. I'm surprised that the thought of never seeing her again doesn't hurt me as much as I always believed it would. But I know why. It is because of someone else. Someone I feel so much stronger about.

So now, with C.C. walking unknowingly towards her execution, I feel what it is really like to love someone.

I can finally admit it to myself; I'm in love with that witch.

She tortures me and acts indifferent, but I accept it. Because that is just the way she is. Despite how we have deceived each other on countless occasions, she trusts me and I her.

She told me what she's never revealed to anyone else. Now, she's forgotten it herself. Her name—her beautiful name. It will die with us. I hope I can remind her of it before the end.

Her wish, I remind myself, is about to be fulfilled.

But does she still want to die? I've seen the way she was before. Wandering alone...

_Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant?_

All she wanted was to be loved. She received her wish in the form of geass and was adored by all, but then she was cursed. She'd agreed to the contract, not knowing that she would later become the one with the ability to grant people their desires.

Her wish changed to one of death.

But now she's back to her original self! She might want to live, and that is good enough for me. The happiness that realisation brought me radiated through my body.

_Can you stop the fire? Can you stand to fight her?  
__You can't stop the fire, you won't say the words. Please..._

I'm not going to let her die without a fight. Determination grips my insides. It doesn't matter what she wants, I am a selfish prince of the country that caused this problem and I will save her.

I have to save her.

And if saving her means dying myself? All the better.

_You won't cry for my absence, I know. You forgot me long ago._

However, I am useless where I am. I've only just escaped and it is merely a matter of time before they find me and kill me, too. All I can realistically do for her is to care when they bring the sword down on her neck. Nobody else will. But even that will mean so little.

My determination turns to frustration.

I am Zero. I can work miracles. I just need to think. I force myself to believe I can save her.

I wonder how C.C. will feel when she realises what is happening. Scared, certainly.

_I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me?_

I regret never telling her I love her. I was as good as dead before I met her. She truly saved me.

It will be unendingly painful for me to watch her die, but absolutely excruciating for her, utterly alone.

I pray to every god I can think of, hoping that I am wrong about them and that they are more than myths. She reaches the stage and climbs the stairs. She looks curious; she doesn't know yet.

I notice some soldiers leaving the outside area and entering the castle. They are still searching for me. Of course, they believe I am a much bigger threat. The beginnings of a plan start to form in my brilliant mind.

_Even though I'd be sacrificed..._

But will it work? She won't listen to me.

_You won't try for me, not now.  
__Though I'd die to know you love me..._

I will do it. I'll die and hope she loved me. And hope she'll remember that love enough to believe me when the time comes.

My plan is weak compared to the ones I usually come up with. Perhaps it is because it relies so heavily on her belief in me. If she doesn't play her part, the whole thing will fall apart and we will both die today.

I see recognition hit her hard as her amber eyes fall upon the great weapon. She flicks her head around frantically, now fully aware of what is happening. The coffin is an awful reminder of where she'll end up.

I barely notice the tears falling down my face as I watch her.

She must know that it is the end; that nobody is going to save her. Her shoulders slump in defeat, and I see the innocence and hope leave her eyes. My heart feels like it's shattering into a billion pieces, seeing her suddenly so dejected.

For a moment, it almost seems like she just looked into the camera. Like, deep down, her forgotten memories are stirring and she knows I must be watching.

I had a vision of the old C.C. in that second, speaking to me so wisely. "False tears bring pain to those around you; a false smile brings pain onto one's self." So she does neither. Back then, forever, even now, she straightens up and continues emotionlessly. She looks again at the sword and merely shows apathy.

She is only a shadow of the arcane C.C., but a shadow is enough to make me clutch my head and break down into sobs. I can't look away, no matter how much I want to; my timing has to be perfect.

As impossible as it seems, I am slightly glad. She's being typical C.C. Could it be a sign her memory is returning?

_Maybe someday you'll have woke up and, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: isn't something missing?_

But now I don't want her to remember. I want her to be innocent and cute. One day, someone else may love her. That is my new wish.

Everything stops. The yard isn't full anymore. There are a total of twenty men guarding C.C from possible rescue attempts, but no one is moving. They are waiting—for the executioner, I guess. I wait, too, my body still shaking with sobs.

When the person designated to kill my love arrives, I am shocked. It is the last person I expect: my sister, Cornelia. Her knight, Guilford, walks next to—and somewhat behind—her, revealing clearly who the leader is.

I quickly glance at the map I just hacked into in another window on the computer. I'm not far from them.

I can't believe my luck; I can save her. Perhaps it wasn't luck; perhaps my prayers worked. Happiness radiates from my core. I have no time to ponder my luck or otherwise; the perfect opportunity has presented itself.

I see my chance and take it without hesitation. Cornelia reaches the stage just as I run recklessly from my sanctuary, into the courtyard.

_I breathe deep and cry out:_

"Run! RUN, C.C!" My heart thuds twice. The second lasts an eternity. They turn around and see me. I see red circles around her eyes.

She runs.

I don't have time to be relieved; I have to keep distracting them. I keep running forwards, straight to Cornelia. She stands staring at me, frozen. She doesn't even try to move. She already knows I am Zero, but it must have just hit her properly.

Her little brother, who she thought was dead, is her enemy.

I see the pain flicker across her face. I am mere metres from her, still unsure of what I'll do when I reach her, when I hear the gunshot.

My heart stops. Guilford has a gun pointing towards the open gate—where C.C was running.

I can't look. I can't think. It's not possible.

The sword that would've killed my witch is somehow in my hand. I leap behind my sister and take her in my arms violently, the sword ready at her neck. "Stop!" I say with as much force as I can muster. I am still crying and my voice shakes. I hope that doesn't make me seem weak.

At a choked sound of surprise from Cornelia, Guilford turns around and looks at me. He still has his gun pointed at the gate. I wonder what the purpose of that is for a moment as my eyes follow the direction of the gun.

C.C. stands there with an expression like she's just been tossed in a cold swimming pool. I blink back a fresh wave of tears. She's alive. Her skin still shines and her eyes still see. I am so relieved.

My heart beats rapidly in my chest. It falters for a moment as I realise it's just prolonging the inevitable.

_Please, please forgive me.  
__But I won't be home again._

"_I know what you do to yourself,_" I tell Guilford strongly. His only answer to my cryptic remark is to blink. My gaze is enough to keep him silent. Something inside me has snapped and I know I will go as far as I have to for C.C. I will fight for her until my last breath.

"You jump in front of every bullet to protect her." I pause, gathering my thoughts. "You have always known to protect Cornelia." I have to explain this. They have to understand! "I never saved C.C. I thought she was disposable!" I spit the word out.

I am beyond furious—especially at myself. I have always prided myself on being clever, but I'm not. I never knew what I cared about. "I'm making up for it now!" I continue. "I'll give you your princess if you let mine go!" I am shaking again, but my eyes don't waver. I don't betray the fear I feel.

Cornelia, evidently, could stay quiet no longer. She passes her judgement; as the leader of this operation, it's her responsibility and her decision. "Lelouch... I can't forgive you. But it's true; you were once my brother..."

I want to shout at her to hurry up and stop this torturous time wasting, but I know it will only make her take longer.

"...And for that, for those years of dedication and kindness..." She pauses, reviewing her yet unspoken ruling. "Guilford, let her go." Cornelia shows a previously unseen facet of her personality. It seems that she does understand mercy. She displays pity; gives a man his dying wish.

I immediately loosen my grip on Cornelia and she pulls free. I collapse on the ground. I raise myself up to my hands and knees and I see C.C run through the gate into freedom. She stops and turns to look at me. I suppose she wants to see the face and fate of her saviour.

I look down to the hard earth, absolutely defeated. The people thought Zero would last forever. And here he is, broken and weak, beneath the princess he sought to annihilate. "Kill me, now," I beg, amazed I can still speak.

I can't stand another moment here. If I am never in this situation again, it will be too soon. C.C. is safe and I want her to be happy. She needs to forget what I've done for her. She can't ever be allowed to remember me. As much as it hurts me, I have to go. For her.

My voice is small and cracked, but I repeat it out loud. "For her."

_Even though I'd be s__acrificed, you won't try for me, not now._

I don't want her to watch. She has always been stubborn, though, so she does anyway.

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed, knowing you don't care._

Cornelia lifts the sword above her head, ready to thrust it right through me. Maybe C.C. does care; she ran when I told her, and she's watching me as I die.

_And if I sleep, just to dream of you._

No matter where I go, be it heaven or hell or some place in between, I will always think of you.

_Awake without you there._

I will never wake up.

_Even though I'm the sacrifice, you won't try for me__, not now._

Only one sound reaches me.

"Goodbye."

_Though I've died to know you love me, I'm all alone.  
__Isn't something missing?  
__Isn't someone missing me?_

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**A/N:** I know the lyrics are in the wrong order—I've heard the song about 230 times! Just try to ignore it. Poor Lelouch... I just realised: I killed off my second favourite character. Rats. At least he saved my favourite! Did you notice my reference to another Evanescence song? It's called My Last Breath.

Lelouch X C.C.! FTW!


End file.
